Try softening your stance, gently relax your face, and allow your muscles to become loose and less tight. Put a hand over your heart with an intention of lovingkindness, and try repeating the following statements with a tone of voice that conveys self-compassion:
May I bear this pain with kindness to myself
May I safely endure this pain
May I accept the circumstances of my life
May I find peace in my heart
May I let go of what I can not control
May I remember that others are also suffering
One of the reasons mindfulness is used is to get yourself calm. If you are a person with a lot of anxiety, your anxiety might get in your way of handling problems, thinking clearly, or addressing something with your full attention.
Mindfulness is one way to lower emotional arousal, center yourself, and help you get back on track. When emotional arousal returns to baseline, accessing the problem solving part of your brain becomes easier.
1) Inhale to the count of one, exhale to the count of two. Keep going until you get to the bottom of six. Start over. Do this for about three minutes. If you get lost or distracted simply start over. The point is to have something to focus your attention on; which helps cut the distractions of your mind.
2) Trace your hand. Inhale on the way to the tips of your fingers, exhale on the way to the crevice. This can be done with pen/ pencil on paper or with the finger of the opposite hand. This is a tactile way to “trace” your breath and focus your mind. Keep your attention on your breath.
3) Pause for three minutes and focus your attention entirely on sound. Try to tune in to every possible nuance of sound. See what you can hear that you typically don’t pay attention to. If your mind drifts, bring it gently back to the experience of hearing.
Is the newness of college stressing you out? Some people have difficulty adapting to college because they suffer from social anxiety, which includes a fear of being scrutinized, judged, or standing out in the crowd. This can lead to avoidance of classes, diminished social contacts, and a slightly more difficult transition from home to college. Here are some tips for handling social anxiety:
1) Try to find something to focus your attention on when you go to class. In most instances, people who are socially anxious become pre-occupied with self-consciousness. The focus on being scrutinized or judged increases anxiety and becomes the “problem” in and of itself. Fixing your attention on other things will help reduce anxiety by getting your attention away from all the things that might go wrong. Here are some suggestions:
2) Keep your facial expression soft and your gaze curious. Often when people are anxious they close themselves off to social interactions. Their expression might read: Don’t talk to me. A tight and stiff posture may be how you are communicating your anxiety- even if you don’t intend it. Try to soften your face and smile gently at people you don’t know. Remember, if you aren’t looking for connections and friendships, it’s harder to make them happen- thus increasing your fear of being among strangers.
3) Don’t skip classes and make it a point to get to class early. Telling yourself “I will go tomorrow” may be setting yourself up for not going at all. The next morning it will be easier to skip because you will feel behind. When you go early, you have the advantage of not walking in late, knowing where the class is, and gently greeting new people who walk in the door. See if you can make it a point to learn people’s names so you can greet them when you see them. Greeting people make them more likely to connect with you- and when you have friends you are no longer among strangers.
4) If you’ve missed class already, go back. Define a small goal for yourself (ie, sitting through class) and don’t focus on all the information or material that overwhelms you. Instead, make eye contact, focus on your breathing, and sit quietly. Remember that you can solve problems later if you need to- such as meeting with an advisor or the academic support center if you need to change your schedule or drop a class.
One of the DBT mindfulness skills includes being effective: Doing what works. Learning how to sit for long periods of time and focus on one thing, such as your breath, can have quite an impact on quieting the mind. However, sitting for long periods of time can be rather difficult for people who are learning how to “be mindful”, and may not be helpful in solving other problems (ie, communicating, reading one’s environment accurately, interpreting behavior).
The persons I tend to treat have difficult with extreme emotion- and sometimes tolerating a single moment can seem like an eternity. The skill of “observing” in mindfulness appears deceptively simple- and yet the actual doing of the observing when it’s needed in real life- as it applies to solving painful problems- is a whole different story.
Observing and describing the cracks on the sidewalk or the ceiling tiles may be a way to be mindful. But here is where it can get tricky:
I’ve been working hard on getting together my free 30 days of mindfulness for my mailing list readers. The approach for learning varies and the agenda includes suggestions for trying new and different things. It’s experiential- which means that you get to participate in the exercises. I’m hoping that it will satisfy those who are looking for ways on how to be mindful as it relates to real life.
All you have to do is click on the upper right side of this blog post where it says Get 7 free steps for sailing through emotional storms when you join my mailing list. Sign up!
The 30 days of mindfulness are going to start February 8, so you will have to sign up before then if you want to be included!
In my groups, we spend time at the beginning doing some sort of exercise to slow down, pay attention, come into the room, and notice what is going on. Some of these exercises are specifically directed at paying attention to the breath. When breathing is slowed, paced, and regulated, a person has a better tendency to think clearer and become organized. Using the breath to regulate emotion, attention, and physical arousal is a very critical skill that frequently gets forgotten about in the heat of the moment- especially a very emotional moment.
Breathing exercises can sometimes be difficult. If you were to spend five minutes trying to focus just on your breath, you may notice spacing out, thinking about other things, and generally not paying much attention to the physical aspects of your breath. Therefore, breathing exercises may sometimes be paired with counting, walking, or other more concrete methods to help you get in touch- and stay in touch- with your breath.
Here is an exercise that is a tangible way of following the breath– and can easily be taught to young children as a way to self-regulate. Place your hand on a piece of paper and trace around it. Every time you move up to the tip of a finger, inhale. Every time you move down to the crevice between your fingers, exhale. Try to work on slowing down your breath so that it is even and steady. When you are done, start over. Keep 
going until you notice feeling calmer, slower, steadier, and perhaps more connected. Be gentle and notice any frustration if it doesn’t “work” right away.
One way to do this exercise is to keep tracing and re-tracing back your hand on one piece of paper. Another way to do this exercise is to not use paper and pen at all, but to trace your fingers with your other hand. This method can be used when you are out and about, in a meeting, or (depending on subtly it’s done) even talking to other people.
However, if you trace a new outline on new paper each time, you can start to accumulate several pieces of paper. If you’d like to add a beak and draw in some feathers on your “hands”, you can start to ask yourself: How many turkeys does it take to get calmed down? If you get really good and regulating your emotions by regulating your breath, you may find that over time the number of turkeys it takes will eventually go down.
