Acceptance is hard

In moments of distress and pain, I have  had a hard time accepting positive life experiences, people, and relationships that matter, influence, and shape me.

In moments of distress and pain, I have had difficulty accepting because I would imagine a cloud of loneliness overtaking my existence. If I allowed, accepted, or quit fighting reality I would be engulfed by feelings I didn’t want.

If I accepted what was in front of me, it may have meant taking action that I did not want to take. The universe has reminded me that taking action is sometimes necessary.

In some moments of distress and pain I’ve imagined horrible things happening to me. I could not accept this. In these moments I’ve tried to make an allowance for just this moment; just this breath. My mind jumps back to my hopeless ruminations. I try again.

In these moments of distress and pain, mindfulness is the journey, the willing towards what the universe at large has to offer me. It is the opening to the joy, the mundane, the anguish, the boring, the surprises, and the nuances: What is, exactly, this moment in front of me? Without this moment; this opening, I could not be fully present with myself, with my clients, or all the universe has to offer.