Sometimes I am in a relationship and I really really want the other person to “get” it.
What I’ve noticed is that I can get really persistent and even pretty angry when they don’t. Sometimes if feels as if I just can’t stand it if they don’t. I feel helpless. I want them to see what they can’t see and they won’t.
So what does awareness have to do with anything? If I’m aware that another person doesn’t “get” it, isn’t that sort of like being reminded over and over again how helpless I feel?
The irony is, awareness also has to do with getting me to see aspects of the situation that, in my persistence, I may be blind to. And this also means seeing reality for what it is, in its entire-ness, and being able to get my mind around the whole situation.
And then I can start to move out of being stuck and start to look at my options. And in this I gain perspective, and I gain power, and I start to realize that it’s not “just me”. So hence the paradox: I can truly “get” that the person I am in conflict with isn’t “getting” it only when I really “get” it.
Now this may bring about a fair amount of pain and disappointment. Sometimes my persistence has been a way of refusing to accept what is lost, or a way to avoid the pain of the limitations of other people. However, this capacity for awareness and acceptance gives me the opportunity to let go of my persistence that the other person “get” it. And then perhaps I can start to look at my options. Here are some possible options in this situation:
1) Stop persisting.
2) Accept my own emotional pain.
3) Grieve what has been lost.
4) Accept the limitations of other people.
5) Re-consider how much energy I want to invest in this relationship, and consider focusing my energy and attention in another relationship.
6) Figure out how to best be in relationship with people that don’t “get” it.
7) Find people in my life who do “get” it and turn my attention and energy somewhere else.
8) Look around and see if other people have noticed this person not “getting” it, and see if they have been able to accept it.