What causes your emotions?
Most people have stories about why they did what they did, and they often sound like this:
- My anger caused me to (hit, yell, escalate)
- My anxiety caused me to (leave the grocery store, avoid a person or situation, or have a panic attack, not go to class)
- The reason I could not (do anything, come to my appointment) is because of my mental health issues
- Because I have PTSD, I am not able to (fill in the blank)
- My mental health problems caused me to (fill in the blank)
The odd thing about these explanations is that no one seems to be very invested in what exactly causes emotions. If we could explain why people behave the way they do because of emotions, it seems the obvious solution would be to make emotions go away, not have emotions, or refuse to tolerate the discomfort that emotions create when situations or events evoke our emotions. If we can’t identify what causes, predicts, or controls emotions; we would have a lot of difficulty managing or controlling our own behavior. Most people want to feel in control of themselves, especially when their emotions seem to control their lives.
Although many mental health professionals believe that emotions are the cause of problems, I do not share this point of view. If we all believed that the reason you can’t get out of bed in the morning is because you are depressed, and the reason you are depressed is because you can’t get out of bed in the morning, we would have a massive problem of rhetorical reasoning.
Also, we don’t have a solution. Or a treatment plan.
The behavioral perspective (hence, my perspective) is as simple as this:
- Antecedent (what comes before behavior, such as someone doing something mean or hurtful)
- Behavior (ie, attacking, arguing, badgering)
- Consequence (what happens as a consequence of yelling)
Anger, as it stands, is an emotion that naturally makes sense under the conditions of someone doing something hurtful or mean. Yelling is an action that a person does when experiencing anger.
If anger functions to prevent further hurt or harm or not be a doormat, effective and skillful solutions could be employed, such as:
- Skillful advocacy
- Holding someone accountable
- Giving someone feedback about what they are doing so they can make changes
- Acting confident
- Making changes to reduce future problems
- Alerting community members to the issue
Consequences generally come to the forefront when problematic behavior creates more problems than solutions (ie, vindictive blaming, domestic assault, relationship destroying behavior).
Here is the question for you: Do you need to change your behavior (ie, become more skillful, manage emotions differently), or do you need to change your emotion? Sometimes, you can manage your emotion by changing your behavior.