Emotions exist to solve problems. All primary emotions have certain functions; that is, all primary emotions are helping us in some way. Some functions of emotions include:
- Organizing action
- Communicating to others
- Letting us know how important something is
- Clarifying our values
- Connecting more deeply with others
- Preventing or stopping being taken advantage of
- Validating oneself
- Letting us know what we care about or what matters
- Taking care of the people we love
Getting in touch with emotions is hard for many people, and often scary if you have little practice doing it.
Problems generally come when people have secondary emotions, that is, emotions about an emotion. If a primary emotions helps us to solve problems (justifiable), secondary emotions are emotions about emotions (confusing). Secondary emotions are problematic because we often blame the secondary emotion or ourselves when emotions become intense or extreme, which makes can make things more intense or extreme.
Common examples of secondary emotions include:
- Getting angry (secondary) about being hurt or sad (primary)
- Feeling guilty (secondary) about desiring something or wanting something/ jealousy (primary)
- Becoming blaming or self critical (secondary) about something that is uncomfortable (several primary emotions).
Sometimes secondary emotions become third and fourth generation “emotions”; such that a person feels guilty that they feel angry that they are upset that they ever were emotional in the first place. The cascading discombobulation of emotions often makes figuring out how emotions work in the first place.
Working on identifying primary emotions is, after all, “work”, but when people are well connected to their primary emotions the overall time spent avoiding difficulty feelings is much less problematic.